Wiffle Ball Bat (EA)

After you are tuckered out from an all-day 4th of July wiffle ball marathon, you can turn this plastic yellow bat upside down and use it as a hand-held bottle rocket launcher. (That's what the little hole at the end of the handle is for) Even the big ones won't burn you.

This inexpensive, plastic Chinese-crafted product allows you to play America's pastime and shoot off fireworks in a safe, relaxing and convenient manner, and that's what freedom is all about, folks.

And think ahead, buy wiffle balls by the dozen...

This wiffle bat is light and easy to use. Substitue it for a whip or crop when training your young horse. It will not hurt the horse, but will get the horse's attention!

This is your basic wiffle bat. Good deal for the price.

This is the classic wiffle bat, fluorescent yellow and 32 inches long. A lot of people will try to sell you a black-and-white bat, or a red bat that flares out at the end. You must decline these bats, politely but firmly. The wiffle bat has stood the test of time, and will continue to do so long after the imitators are gone.

Most people know that the wiffle bat is ideal for hitting the aptly-named wiffle ball, but few newcomers know about the bonus features:

1) If your opponent throws a hanging curveball and you make solid contact, the ball will slide down the bat even as you are hitting it. The result will be a monstrous home run that makes a whistling sound as it disappears into your cranky neighbor's yard.

2) The lower part of the wiffle bat has a textured grip. Nice.

3) The base of the bat has a little hole in it that, when the bat is waved around, makes a cool, low-pitched whistle not unlike the hum of a light saber.

Highly recommended for anyone with a ball, a yard, and a friend.